


Always In My Heart

by Veeebles



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Beards, Bittersweet Ending, Break Up, Coping, Established Relationship, Johannah's illness and death mentioned, Larry Stylinson Is Real, M/M, Pet Names, Phone Calls & Telephones, Phone Sex, Post Hiatus, Post-Break Up, X factor performance, boys still in love, larry - Freeform, management, selfie - Freeform, still in love after break up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 16:02:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14835443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veeebles/pseuds/Veeebles
Summary: Suddenly, the screen went black and his phone started buzzing as he received a call.His heart stopped when he saw the name.Trying not to shake, he tapped the green button and held the phone to his ear.“Hello?”“Hi, Lou.”





	Always In My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this photo:
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/BPsAL1BD_hF/?hl=en&taken-by=louist91

The feeling of being back in his apartment was the biggest comfort, Louis had not been so happy to see his bed in a long time.

He had finally managed to get a few days to himself and was enjoying his first early night. There was a strange pleasure to be had just lying in his bed, curtains drawn, lights out and just scrolling through Instagram. He hadn’t posted anything in a while and was on a bit of a high after he and Steve’s recent success with their single. The fans had received it so well, showing their support and bringing him up to number one, they never failed him.

He smiled and decided to pay back a little. He brushed his hair aside a little, lay back in the bed, kicking the covers down to his waist, snapping a photo.

He looked at the result; hair a mess, no shirt on, his usual thumbs up pose, that should please a few he though with a smile. He posted the picture and almost instantly his phone was going crazy with notifications.

He locked the phone and pulled the covers back up to his chin, sighing deeply as he enjoyed just lying in this comfy, wonderful bed.  

It had been a hectic past few months, what with the release of his first single solo, and there had been his mum. She had gotten sicker and sicker until finally she couldn’t do it anymore. Louis’ heart still ached when he thought about her, lying in the hospital, skin pale and eyes drooping as she held his hand and told him how proud of him she was.

That had been the hardest thing yet.

Then performing only a few days later at the X-Factor. He had thrown himself into work and into the performance, determined to honour her memory, the person that had believed in him so much.

He remembered when he got off stage, he hugged Steve who gave him a reassuring smile then they were swept away by the buzz of the X Factor staff working to make the show go on. Louis had wandered among the bustle, remembering his days on the X Factor, being so busy all the time, each part of his day times, each rehearsal wearing him down, the drive to reach his goal. Having the other boys by his side had helped more than he could have imagined.

He had been told before the performance that they were all here; Niall, Liam – even Zayn had showed up. And, of course…Harry.

There it was; that all familiar tug at his heart, a bit of pain, a bit of logging, a bit of regret.

Harry. He had been his only real love. From the moment he had first laid eyes on that curly headed lad he was a goner. Louis found every part of him endearing; his laugh, his voice, his big, warm hands, his impossibly soft curls, those little dimples that appeared on his cheeks when he smiled at him. They had instantly been close since day one. But it had never been friendship they had felt. From the moment those green eyes met his all Louis wanted to do was kiss the boy senseless and he could have sworn if he had done so then and there in that little bathroom where they first met, it would have been the most normal thing in the world.

It wasn’t so easy just to walk away from all they had shared. A long term relationship was one thing, but when those long years were filled with fighting to be together, being unable to resist small touches throughout interviews and shows, watching their every moves and being told no, you can’t sit next to him, you can’t touch him, you can’t talk to him, you can’t look at him. When the entire world told them they couldn’t be, it had only thrown them closer together, clutching to each other like they were one another’s life sources. They had loved with fire in their hearts; full of passion and desperation and complete adoration for one another.

Eventually it had all become too much, the pressure, the hurt and the tears, the desperation and with every passing year the light at the end of the tunnel seemed to get further and further away. Eventually, they had called it quits.

Louis would never forget that night.

It was just after the management had told them about their plans to pair Louis up with Briana. And bring the baby into the picture. He had sat in the meeting room feeling like the world had dropped and his blood had turned to ice. There was that feeling of hopelessness, of why was this happening? Another lie, another façade, more hiding.

He had gone home to Harry that night, heart heavy and told him, waiting for that moment that always came when management dropped these bomb on him. Harry would listen, holding onto Louis’ hand in his warm, big ones, green eyes watching his face as he repeated everything from the meeting. When he was finished, they would sit in silence. There was once a time when Harry would instantly cry, get angry, pace the room and curse management. But he soon realised that only upset Louis more, and made things more difficult. So instead he would sit in silence, swallow his anger and simply wrap Louis up in his arms, kiss him softly and whisper a promise in his ear that they would get through it, that nothing could stop them from being together, and one day it would all be over.

But this time, Harry had sat there, in silence for far longer than usual. His brow didn’t de-crease, his eyes avoided Louis’.

“Harry, are you okay, love?”

He sighed, raking hands through his curls violently and finally raised his eyes to meet Louis’. He would never forget the look of complete and utter helplessness he saw there.

 “Lou.”

Louis felt his stomach drop at his tone of voice.

 “I can’t do his anymore.”

It had been a long, long night of talking, fighting, more talking, crying.

Louis knew he would never love like that again. He loved Harry with every fibre of his being. Every damn cell in his body was drawn to him. He had felt so alive next to him, like he could do anything, like he was invincible, so long as he had Harry next to him.

And even now, Harry was still there, still a star in Louis’ sky that kept him going. They barely spoke – somehow it was easier that way – but he knew Harry, through and through, and he knew that his tweets that didn’t make sense to the world, were meant for him, or when he posted a picture on Instagram with the lyrics to the song he used to sing to Louis, or even just when he was out in public, snapped by paparazzi and Louis heart would beat faster when he saw the bracelet he had got him flashing on his wrist, or wearing a t shirt that Louis had always loved or even just doing their thumbs up sign. All his little things that told Louis he was still his, in his way.

Even after that X Factor performance, when he and Steve had gone to their allocated dressing rooms, Liam and Niall had come backstage to see him, hugged him, told him how proud of him they were. He smiled and thanked them and where he really honestly did appreciate so much that they had come to support him, nothing meant so much than seeing that door opening behind them and Harry’s tall form slipping though.

Louis’ heart was beating so loud he was sure they could all hear it. After-show adrenaline and just the high of being near his boys again was making his head spin and all he could do was stare at him. Niall and Liam excused themselves in that smiling way they always did when they knew Harry and Louis wanted alone time. They just stood there staring at one another, even after the door clicked shut behind them.

He looked just the same. Except his hair. It was cut shorter now. He suited it. It made his jawline look even sharper. Made his eyes bigger. Made him look older. He still missed the curls a bit, though. He used to love to braid them, brush them, or just run his hands through them.

“Lou.”

God, that voice, had it gotten deeper? Louis would curse him if it had, that damn voice had always been the downfall of him. All Harry had to do was murmur something low and quiet into his ear and Louis was butter melting in his hands.

The air felt like it was buzzing, Louis realised he was breathing heavy. They hadn’t been in a room, alone, this close since the breakup. God, he had missed the boy.

Harry looked like he was struggling to find the words. His eyes roved over every inch of Louis, his hands clenched and unclenched at his sides like he used to do when he was nervous or unsure. He ground his teeth, then met his eyes properly and Louis was paralysed by those green depths.

Then he was moving, closer, closer, nearly running to him, and those arms were around him, his nose was pressed against his neck, he was surrounded by that achingly familiar smell of Harry, inhaling deeply and supressing a moan at how fucking good it felt to be here again. His hands gripped onto Harry for dear life and he realised he was crying. Harry’s fingers trailed through the short hairs at the nape of his neck like he used to do, he kissed his cheek and held him all the more closer.

“Lou…I’m so proud of you, babe…you did so good…she would be so proud of you too…you were amazing…”

In all the days he had watched his mother fight. In all the nights he had held his sisters in his arms and watched them cry, in all the times he had to be the strong one, he had never allowed himself to break. Not even when Simon spoke about her after his song, not even at the funeral.

But now, he was with Harry. He would be strong for him. He was the one person he showed all of himself to. He was the only one that had mattered, the only one that could break him down like this. And he held him so close, so warm and strong as he cried, and it was exactly what Louis had been needing.

When he calmed, Harry wiped away his tears, blew softly on his face to cool his reddened cheeks and kissed his forehead. It was strange; it was like not a day had passed.

Then he just stood there, looking at him in that serious way of his, like he was trying to remember every inch of his face. His hands held him around his waist, a place he had often told Louis was once of his favourite parts of him. He was so close. So warm and steady.

His forehead touched to his and Louis wished that the world would stop turning. No management, no appointments, no performance, none of the rest of the world. Just him and Harry. Just this.

He felt Harry tense and Louis knew he was fighting not to kiss him.

The thing with breaking up because you are forced to, means you don’t stop wanting each other. They hadn’t broken up because they wanted it. All those feelings were still there no matter how they pretended. It was still Harry that filled his every thought. It was still Harry he craved to be next to in bed. It was still Harry he imagined the rest of his life with. It was Harry, and it would never be anyone else.

He kissed those soft, pink lips and felt all the little shards that had once made up his heart piece together, slowly, slowly.

Harry responded instantly, kissing him back, pressing his body as close and as firm to his as possible. One hand came to the back of Louis’ head and held him there, tilting him so the kiss deepened, so he could taste him. Louis whimpered in response to Harry’s growl and god, this was too much and not enough.

He had loved this about Harry; he was full of passion and fire and wasn’t afraid to show it. Louis had never doubted Harry’s love for him because he showed it in every little thing he did. From how he clung to him like he was afraid to let him go, to how he moaned against his lips because kissing Louis felt so good to him. How during interviews he would feel Harry’s eyes on him, feel the small touch of his skin discretely because he couldn’t resist. Or how he would roll over half asleep at night and drag Louis’ body into his arms, burying his nose into his neck and breathing him in, because holding him was all he wanted to do, even unconsciously. And even now, he was pouring his heart and soul into this kiss, conveying months of longing, bitterness, desire, heartbreak and unfailing love.

“I missed you,” he whispered, breathing hard against Louis’ mouth, kissing him again, and again, and again.

“Me too, “Louis managed.

Eventually Harry stilled, clinging to louis, head resting against his, breathing deeply.

Louis closed his eyes and enjoyed just having him here, being able to touch him. Months he had spent pouring over photos of him, re watching videos he had took on his phone of Harry goofing about, his only lasting bond to him. But now, he could touch him, could remember how he smelled. Smiled as he felt his big hands run up and down his back, slowly.

Then he was gone, arms by his sides, just standing there in front of him. Avoiding his eyes once more, that brow lined with creases.

“I’m sorry, Lou…I shouldn’t have done that.”

Loui knew he meant well. He knew this was all coming from that part of Harry that was programed to protect him no matter what. That part of him that would give himself the heart ache if it meant none for Louis. He could never hate him for that, could never get over him because of it ether. This boy was always looking out for him, and even now he was trying to do the right thing, even when Louis could see, could _feel_ how it tore him up inside.

“It won’t make things any easier I still feel the same way as I did that night – this…the hiding, the beards…it’s too much…I’m sorry…I really shouldn’t have-”

“I know, Harry, it’s okay.”

Harry looked at him then. Maybe it was how small his voice sounded. Maybe it was his words, maybe it was just a look like any other but he just looked so fucking sad.

He left without another word, just a small nod that Louis couldn’t bring himself to return. He had felt more lost than ever.

Louis sighed, rolling over and returning to scrolling through his Instagram. The usual storm of likes were firing through as fans hearted and commented on the selfie. He smiled to himself, always happy at their support, chuckling every now and then at the Larry comments. He wished it was as easy as that, wished he could reply to all those fans that supported them even though they didn’t have definite confirmation they were together. He wished it was just them out there, no one against them.

Suddenly, the screen went black and his phone started buzzing as he received a call.

His heart stopped when he saw the name.

Trying not to shake, he tapped the green button and held the phone to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Lou.”

Louis’ eyes shot open and electricity buzzed down his spine. He was using that tone. The one that he used when they had been together, the one that Louis could never resist.

“Harry.”

“I just saw your photo on Instagram.”

Louis bit down on his bottom lip. Harry’s voice was so damn good to hear, deep and husky as he spoke low into the speaker. Louis felt the heat pool in the pit of his stomach, that voice _doing things_ to him.

“You look really good, baby.”

And there it was. Back to square one.

“I thought of you when I took it,” he admitted, pushing the covers down a little to ease some of the heat off his body.

“Mmm, good,” came that low reply. He heard shuffling down the line and realised Harry was in bed too. It was a strange thrill to know that out there, somewhere, Harry was lying in his bed, thinking only of Louis.

“Is that what you’re like now, baby? Are you lying in your bed, hair a mess, shirt off, those lovely collarbones of yours out on display?”

Louis felt his cock stir, Harry knew what he was doing, this was no friendly call to catch up, and Louis would not disappoint him.

“I’m not wearing anything at all, actually.”

Harry blew out a breath that turned into a deep growl, Louis grinned to himself and settled back against the pillow, the hand not holding his phone began trailing across his stomach.

“God, Lou, I wish I was there with you.”

Louis ignored the little pang of longing that came with those words, he didn’t want to be sad. He especially didn’t want Harry to be sad. He was enjoying this. He knew he shouldn’t. He knew this would probably complicate things, they were meant to be broke up but fuck, he could never resist Harry.

“If you were here, what would you do, Haz?”

He heard a chuckle at the pet name, more shuffling, then a deep sigh before he spoke again.

“I would kiss you, Lou, I miss those lips of yours. They are all I have thought about since that night at the X Factor.”

God, Louis _missed_ him, he missed kissing him, missed his smell, how warm he always was.

“Me too, Haz,” he admitted.

“I would kiss you until you were begging for me. I always loved you like that; red faced, lips swollen, eyes blown wide as you clung to me, desperate for me against you.”

Louis was nearly fully hard by this point. His breathing was heavy, his skin felt hot and he kicked the covers off completely and whimpered at the cool air on his skin, nipples hardening.

There was a smile in his voice when Harry next spoke.

“Then I would kiss your lovely neck, bite and suck and mark you up like I used to do, so the entire world would see them and know you belong to me.”

“God, Harry…”

What was he doing? Louis knew he should put an end to this. He couldn’t have Harry. Not like this, not in secret for their entire lives, not behind closed doors, over a phone, while he was out with some girl pretending to be something he wasn’t. This was just going to hurt all the more. But he didn’t care at this point. He could feel his resolve slipping and he allowed himself to slip back into the way they had been, when they were together, pretend that for now at least, this was his reality.

“Are you hard, Lou?”

He was. He really was at this point. Being away from Harry for so long, not having him to kiss and make love to was torture and now they were so close but so far. But just hearing him, the way he spoke like he used to, saying exactly what would make Louis squirm. Because he knew Louis through and through, and he would always have this maddening power over him.

“Yes…”

He hummed into the phone, that deep voice of his making Louis feel warm.

“Good, touch yourself for me.”

Louis let out a shaky breath, a hand trailing down his stomach, nails scraping lightly against the soft skin of his belly as he drifted lower. He trailed fingers across his tip, shivering at the feeling, remembering how Harry would always trail his thumb in a circle across his slit before taking him in hand. Louis followed his memories, gripping himself in hand, closing his eyes and imagining it was Harry’s warm, amazingly large hand. He began stroking himself lazily, listening to Harry’s deep breathing down the line, imagining him lying in his own bed, naked, brown curls and golden skin against white sheets, his own length in hand, getting himself of with Louis at his ear on his own phone.

“Harry-” he gasps out as the image makes his dick twitch in his hand, moving slightly faster as he heard Harry sigh, “Harry, talk to me, tell me what you’re doing.”

His low chuckle made Louis shiver and he kicked the covers off completely, adjusting the phone to rest snug in the crook of his neck, right against his ear, spreading his legs wider.

“You always wanted me talking, didn’t you Lou? Always loved it, think you could get off with just my voice?”

Louis bit back a moan. In all honestly Louis thought he probably could, Harry’s deep voice just did it for him. Al he needed was his voice in his ear, saying something, anything to him and he was a goner. He remembered back to their first tour, hallway through Harry had snuck up behind him, lips against his ear and whispered filthy things to him, told him all about what he wanted to do to him after the show and Louis had never popped a boner so fast in his goddamn life. Harry had walked off smirking that smug smile of his back at him while Louis had been left to adjust his trousers and pray none of the fans noticed anything.

Of course, they all did.

“God, Harry I wish you were here, can’t stop thinking about you.”

He could hear the smile in his voice, “I wish I was too baby, I’d have you spread out beneath me, kiss every inch of your lovely skin.”

Louis stroked himself faster, breathy sighs escaping him, Harry’s words and his voice getting him going faster than anything had in a long time. He brushed a hand over his chest, toying witch one nipple then the other, imagining it was Harry’s big hands that were touching him, his lovely big dick moving in and out of him as he did.

“I think about you constantly,” he admitted, “I think about your hands, god, I love your hands, and your mouth. You always knew exactly what to do. You were always so good Haz. And your dick, Jesus, I think about it all the time. I miss how it used to fill me up. I miss sucking you off, feeling you down my throat, the noises you made when I sucked you good. ”

“Fuck, Lou.”

He could _hear_ him touching himself over the line, could picture it in his head, the movement of his hand up and down himself, stroking himself faster and faster. He could picture the head of his cock appearing and disappearing in his fist, the slick noise of himself, the pre come pulsing out from the slit. Louis would give anything to be able to taste him again, lick up his salty sweetness, feel him spend himself down his throat.

“I miss you so much, Lou. I miss your voice, your smile, your smell. I miss your body. I miss how I _knew_ you, Lou, I know everything about you. I know that kissing behind your ears turns you on. That your stomach is sensitive and you like it when I kiss you there. I know that you like when I call you baby, and how my hands feel on your fucking amazing ass.”

Louis pushed away the pang of longing in his chest at those words. He focused on Harry’s voice, on imagining him here, pounding into him, holding him, kissing him. He was so close, his entire soul consumed with the curly headed lad that was moaning into the phone at his ear.

Harry, I need you.”

 “Come on, baby,” his voice was nothing more than a growl, that filthy sound of him fisting his cock making Louis twitch in his hand, “come for me, Lou, let me hear you.”

Louis nodded frantically into the phone, hips bucking into this hand, moving faster, squeezing harder, getting so close, “Harry I’m – I’m going to-“

“Come on, sweetheart, say my name.”

“Harry – _harry_!”

That was it, he was gone, shooting over his chest, moaning and moaning, Harry’s name a mantra on his lips as he rode out his orgasm, hips jerking as he heard Harry moan, spending himself too. Louis wished he could see it, Harry was always so beautiful when he came.

“Fuck that was – that was good.”

“It was, always is – you’re always so good for me, Lou,” he heard him shuffle a little, chuckling softly, “I’ve made a right mess of myself.”

Louis giggled, trailing a finger through his own mess on his chest before leaning over to his bedside table, grabbing a tissue from the box there and cleaned himself up. When he was done, he tossed the tissue to the floor and settles back into the bed, pulling the covers up to his chin and lying on his side, phone cradled against his ear.

He smiled to himself as he just lay there, body feeling warm in the afterglow of his orgasm, listening to Harry’s slow breathing. He ached for him to be here, longed to roll over into his warm, naked body, get wrapped up in his arms, the smell of him, his soft words, his lips kissing his hair. He curled into himself, wrapping his own arms around himself, fingers toying with his skin, trailing across the various tattoos marking him that matched Harry’s.

“Harry.”

His voice was quiet, sleepy, reminding Louis of him half asleep, arm around Louis, mouth against his skin, eyes closed, mumbling in his sleep as he dreamed.

“Yeah Lou?”

He didn’t care anymore, not of the consequences of this, of the hurt that would inevitably be one hundred times worse after this phone call, he just needed to say this, needed to have his Harry back if even just for tonight.

“I love you,” he croaked out, the tears coming fast, swallowing around the lump in his throat, “I miss you so fucking much.” 

“I know, Lou,” his voice was thick with emotion, he never liked hearing Louis cry, “I love you too, it will always be you.”

He didn’t say take me back didn’t say he was sorry and could resolve to just pretending for the management again. He wouldn’t do that to Louis. This was what he loved so much about Harry. He cared about louis more than anything in the world, put his own happiness aside for him every time, wanted nothing more than to see him happy, loved him so unconditionally.

 “Goodbye, Lou.”

Louis nodded, wiping at the tears in his eyes, pressing the phone closer to his ear as if that would somehow get him closer to Harry.

“Goodbye, Haz.”

The line went dead and Louis cradled the phone to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut.

Maybe they weren’t together, maybe they never would be together again. But Louis took comfort in the knowledge that no matter where he was in the world, not matter what he was doing or how much time had passed. Harry would always be in his heart. They would always belong to each other.


End file.
